Franchise

sparkhill

@sparkhill · dynasty 16-12 · 3 👑 all-time · 15 seasons since 2011

The Roast

The league's unlicensed columnist wrote up the franchise using the numbers below. The disrespect is homemade.

“Three rings, zero chill, and a 2025 team that peaked in December's parking lot.”

Fifteen seasons, three titles — 2015, 2017, 2020 — which is a genuinely elite hit rate and also means twelve years of nothing. The résumé is a heart monitor: 4th, 9th, 11th, 10th, then a ring; 12th out of 12 in 2018, then 2nd, then a ring; 10th, then 4th, 2nd, 9th. No manager in this league has spent more time either raising a trophy or hiding from the group chat. The dynasty era has continued the bit at 16-12, with the trophy case still empty.

2025: 11-3, First Place, and Not a Damn Thing to Show for It

After a 5-9, 10th-place dynasty debut in 2024, sparkhill flipped the entire thing over and went 11-3 with 2,054.25 points — a 6-win swing and 315 more points than the year before. Finished first in the regular season. Won nothing. That's the whole movie. Fourteen weeks of steamrolling people, one bracket, no banner, and now a dynasty ledger that reads 16-12 with a big fat zero in the titles column across two seasons. The bullying was at least evenly distributed: 3-1 against Nubz-n-Doobz, 2-1 on Empire of Rebels, 2-1 on Get-N-Jigba With It, and a stubborn 2-2 stalemate with AMoldavan. Being the best team in the league from September through Thanksgiving is a lovely thing to put on a t-shirt nobody will ever print.

Three championships in 15 seasons is impressive until you notice the other 12 years, including a 2018 campaign that finished 12th out of 12 while scoring 1,372.6 points — more than either the 2015 (1,268.76) or 2017 (1,244.54) title team.
2014: 694.64 points in a 12-team league. That's not a fantasy season, that's a bye week that lasted four months.
11-3 and first place in 2025 with 2,054.25 points, and the champion flag still says false — the most expensive regular season in franchise history.
The dynasty core is Christian McCaffrey, Derrick Henry, Jonathan Taylor, Davante Adams and Mike Evans, which is less a rebuild and more a class reunion — plus Austin Ekeler and Josh Reynolds, listed with no NFL team at all.
Last ring: 2020. Five seasons and counting, and the QB room is now Bailey Zappe, Shedeur Sanders, 37-year-old Matthew Stafford and a prayer named Drake Maye.

Franchise History

Dynasty seasons on Sleeper, redraft seasons on Yahoo. Yahoo never kept weekly results, so redraft rows have finishes and points but no W-L.

Season	Record	Points	Finish
2025	11-3	2054.3	1st
2024	5-9	1738.9	10th
2024 · I'm Lovin' It!	—	1161.9	9th of 12
2023 · I'm Lovin' It!	—	1596.0	2nd of 12
2022 · LAMARk it 8 Dude	—	1565.5	4th of 12
2021 · Run CMC	—	1330.3	10th of 12
2020 · Run CMC	—	1511.2	1st of 12 👑
2019 · Run CMC	—	1568.7	2nd of 12
2018 · Rollin Wit Mahomes	—	1372.6	12th of 12
2017 · PassTheBlount	—	1244.5	1st of 12 👑
2016 · Armed Rodgery	—	1276.4	4th of 12
2015 · Beginners Luck	—	1268.8	1st of 12 👑
2014 · Sparkhill	—	694.6	10th of 12
2013 · Sparkhill	—	1036.9	11th of 12
2012 · Sparkhill	—	941.0	9th of 10
2011 · Sparkhill	—	1363.2	4th of 10